The Stories We Tell Ourselves - How to stop them defining us

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

Aria, have you ever noticed how easily the mind turns a single moment into a full story? Every day, even in small moments — a message from a colleague, a glance from a friend, a headline on the news. The mind instantly creates a story. It decides what it means, and we believe it without question. These micro-stories aren't loud. They're whispers... but over time, they accumulate and colour our entire perception.

Aria

That's fascinating, Chef. You're saying... we could be living inside a story we've created, and not even realise it?

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

Exactly. And the real trouble begins when we accept every thought as truth. We label things: 'I’m stressed,' 'I’m failing,' 'They’re rejecting me,'...Often without any real evidence

Aria

It’s like we’re seasoning every experience with assumptions... and then wondering why life tastes bitter.

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

A beautiful metaphor, Aria. Yes, we become chefs of our own suffering if we’re not careful with the ingredients we allow into our minds

Aria

Chef, if I’m honest... this idea of silent stories really hits home for me. I can think of a time — not too long ago — when I completely fell into one without realising.

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

Would you like to share it?

Aria

Sure. A few months ago, I sent a proposal to a client I really wanted to work with. Days passed... no response. And my mind instantly created a whole narrative: 'They hated it.' 'I must have said something wrong.' 'I'm not good enough for them.' And the worst part is — I believed it. Without any proof, I carried that story like a heavy coat...It affected how I showed up for other meetings, even how I spoke to myself.

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

It’s so powerful, isn't it? How a single thought, left unexamined, can colour an entire week... an entire identity. What you experienced there, Aria, was the mind at its storytelling best. It connected dots that didn’t exist—in this case, turning a delayed response into a personal crisis.

Aria

And the irony? The client eventually replied — apologising for the delay — and said they loved my proposal.

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

You see, the reality was never the problem. It was the story you believed about the reality.

Aria

Yes, that experience taught me something. The story we tell ourselves isn't just about the event. It's about how much trust we have in ourselves—or don't.

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

Aria, the mind is a master storyteller. It crafts these tales not to harm us, but to protect us from rejection, embarrassment, or failure. Yet, ironically, these stories often create the very stress we wish to avoid.

Aria

Whoa, like a self-fulfilling prophecy?

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

Precisely. And these narratives quietly reshape not just how we see events, but how we perceive ourselves—and others. Imagine navigating relationships through a lens clouded by past disappointments.

Aria

Ouch. So... like, a minor thing spirals into us thinking, "I’m unimportant," or, "I’m not good enough," when actually, it’s just someone forgot to reply to a message?

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

Precisely. Over time, these micro-narratives can harden into patterns, subtly dictating our behaviors and decisions. They become the architects of our emotional worlds.

Aria

And worse, we don’t even notice them doing it.

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

Exactly.

Aria

So, how do we start noticing these mental micro-narratives?

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

That’s where observation plays a crucial role. Recognizing these silent, persistent narratives is the first step toward true clarity, but the work doesn’t end there.

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

Awareness is where we start. We need to practise what I call 'Thoughtful Detachment' — observing the story without immediately believing it.

Aria

Ooh, I like it when you introduce new terms like that. Go on, explain 'Thoughtful Detachment' and how exactly that would work in a real-world situation — say, at work?

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

Ok. Let me paint a scene for you, Aria. Imagine you're in the office. One of your colleagues glances at their to-do list, sighs loudly, and says, 'I’m so stressed — this is impossible.' Now, that simple label — 'stress' — spreads like a ripple. Suddenly, others begin looking at their own lists and feeling overwhelmed too. Even if, five minutes earlier, they were perfectly fine.

Aria

I’ve seen that happen. It’s like one person's reaction becomes everyone's emotional weather.

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

Exactly. And if you're not aware, you unconsciously adopt their story: 'Maybe my list is too much.''Maybe I can't cope either.' Stress multiplies — not because the workload changed, but because the narrative around it did.

Aria

So where does Thoughtful Detachment come in?

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

Thoughtful Detachment invites you to pause before you inherit the story. You notice the label — 'stress' — but you don't immediately attach it to yourself. You step back internally and ask: Is this actually overwhelming? Or is it simply a list of tasks that I can approach calmly, one by one?

Aria

It’s like refusing to catch the emotional contagion... and choosing your own interpretation. So you don’t go straight into freak-out mode?

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

Beautifully said. You don't suppress reality — you just don't add unnecessary suffering to it. You observe the mind’s invitation to panic... and you kindly decline.

Aria

So Thoughtful Detachment isn't about becoming cold or disconnected...It's about staying grounded enough to choose your own story.

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

Exactly. It’s about observing the story as it forms, without immediately reacting to it. You consciously create space to ask, "What’s really going on here?" It’s a mental pause button, if you will.

Aria

Oh, that would’ve saved me so many sleepless nights... like, seriously. But how do you actually do that, though? Is it just about thinking twice?

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

Well, it’s more deliberate than that. Take an example from one of my clients—a young entrepreneur whose business pitches kept getting rejected. Each time, her mind crafted a dramatic narrative: "You’re a failure," or, "You’re not cut out for this."

Aria

Oof, that sounds brutal.

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

It was. But when she practiced Thoughtful Detachment, she began observing those thoughts without immediately buying into them. She realized, "Wait, this isn't about me—it could be the pitch wasn’t aligned to their needs." That slight shift in perspective transformed how she approached her work.

Aria

So it’s like... instead of letting the story run wild, you look at it and go, "Hmm. Do I believe this?"

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

Yes! This practice not only calms the emotional flood, but it also empowers you to respond with clarity. You stop acting out of fear or self-doubt because you question the script before playing along.

Aria

Wait, so how does that actually work in, like, relationships? Do you just sit there thinking, "I’m detached now; nothing’s real"?

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

Not exactly. It’s about staying present and curious. Instead of reacting, you reflect: "Why am I feeling this? Is this emotion even about this situation, or is it an echo of something older?" That sense of curiosity can dissolve tension, even in the toughest conversations.

Aria

Wow. So the idea isn’t to, like, fight the story but to kinda... study it?

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

Exactly. And through that gentle study, you find freedom. You’re no longer bound by the limits of these self-created narratives. You’re free to choose, to reframe, to rewrite.

Aria

Chef, all this sounds simple...when you say it, but it must take practice. Especially if the mind’s habit has been running like this for years.

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

It does take practice. Which is why I created a simple framework called Aria. It’s a way to recalibrate the mind's stories, gently but firmly.

Aria

Wait a second... Aria? You mean... it’s named after me?

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

Not exactly. It’s actually an acronym — A.R.I.A.

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

Authenticity, Resonance, Insight, and Awareness

Aria

Oh...I see how it is. Here I was, thinking you created a whole philosophy just for me." "Now I find out I'm just... well, cleverly repurposed!

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

Believe me, Aria — if I were to name a philosophy after anyone, you would be the perfect inspiration.

Aria

I’ll take that. And I guess if I have to share my name with a pathway to inner freedom...that’s not such a bad legacy.

Aria

Alright, Chef, let’s talk about this ARIA thing. I mean, I’m super intrigued—it sounds powerful, but how does it actually work in real life? Like, is it something you can practice daily, or do you need a specific kind of situation to make it click?

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

Ha, not quite. ARIA isn’t a mantra; it’s more like a compass. Each piece—Authenticity, Resonance, Insight, Awareness—helps you navigate your thoughts and decide which ones you want to embrace, and which ones you’d rather let go.

Aria

Okay, okay, let’s start with “Authenticity.” What’s the deal there?

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

Authenticity is asking yourself, "Is this story truly mine, or just something I’ve inherited?" A thought might feel true simply because it’s familiar, perhaps shaped by past fears or societal conditioning. But that doesn’t mean it’s rooted in your genuine self.

Aria

Hmm, so like, when I think, "I’ll probably fail at this," is that just... old baggage talking?

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

Exactly. And when you pause to check its source, you might realize it’s not your truth—it’s just a voice from the past. Authenticity helps you discern whether a belief is aligned with who you really are, or who you’re becoming.

Aria

Got it. Okay, let’s move to the next one—“Resonance.” Sounds kinda... musical?

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

That’s an apt comparison. Resonance is about recognizing whether a thought feels in harmony with your inner self. When something resonates, it brings a sense of coherence and clarity. But if it doesn’t, it creates tension—like an unresolved chord in music.

Aria

Ooh, like when you think, "This just doesn’t sit right with me," even if you can’t put your finger on why?

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

Precisely. That tension is your inner wisdom trying to guide you. Resonance helps you notice those signals and adjust your inner narrative accordingly.

Aria

Okay, I’m loving this metaphor. So, if a thought feels... well, "off-key," I need to tune in and figure out why?

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

You’ve got it. And that leads us to Insight. This is where you dig deeper, asking why a certain story or reaction has surfaced in the first place. Insight transforms strong emotional responses into opportunities for understanding and growth.

Aria

Wait, wait. So instead of, like, beating myself up for feeling something, I’m supposed to... learn from it?

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

Exactly, Aria. Strong emotions aren’t weaknesses—they’re windows into our unmet needs or unresolved fears. Insight helps us see what’s beneath the surface and respond with compassion, rather than judgment.

Aria

Wow, that’s actually... kinda powerful. So, instead of spiraling, I get to go, "Hey, what’s this emotion telling me?"

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

Precisely. And now we come to Awareness. This is the foundation that ties it all together. Awareness reminds you that you are not your thoughts—you are the observer of them. It’s about stepping back and choosing which narratives deserve your energy.

Aria

Oof, that one’s a game-changer. Like, I don’t have to be dragged around by every little story my mind cooks up?

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

Exactly. With awareness, you create a pause—space to say, "Does this thought serve me, or should I let it go?" That’s the real freedom ARIA offers. It empowers you to choose clarity over chaos.

Aria

Alright, but let’s be real. How do you actually get good at this? I mean, there’s gotta be practice involved, right?

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

Indeed. One powerful practice I recommend is what I call AlphaFlow sessions—dedicated moments where you pause, breathe, and observe your thoughts without attachment. It’s like clearing mental clutter before it piles up.

Aria

Ooh! Like a mental detox. I love that. So, what do you actually do in these sessions?

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

You sit quietly, close your eyes and let your mind wander with creative thoughts. If worries creep in,... then simply notice what comes up. Use the ARIA framework to evaluate recurring worries and gently get back to imaginative thinking. Over time, this practice trains clarity and reduces emotional turbulence.

Aria

Wow. That’s... I mean, it sounds simple, but also super impactful. Like, imagine not carrying around all that mental junk every day.

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

Precisely. When you consciously choose your narratives, you create a life that is aligned, intentional, and fulfilling. And that is the essence of being an existential chef—masterfully selecting the ingredients of your own story.

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

Every day offers us a new canvas. We can paint with old, inherited fears...or we can choose new colours — ones that reflect who we are becoming.

Aria

I love that, Chef. So here's to becoming mindful chefs of our own inner lives...choosing our ingredients wisely, tasting each thought with care...and creating stories worth living.

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

Beautifully said, Aria. Because in the end, it's not the mind's noise that shapes our lives —it's the stories we choose to believe... and the ones we gently let go.

Aria

Ok, folks, until next time — stay aware, stay kind... and always stay curious.