The Neural Networks That Keep You Racing Against Yourself

Aria

Welcome everyone! Oh, Chef, today’s topic is a rich one. This idea of being in a “race with yourself”—I feel that more often than I’d like to admit. A few weeks ago, I decided I absolutely had to get my life organised, so I bought one of those colour-coded digital planners—hour blocks, little icons, the whole aesthetic. And suddenly, instead of feeling calm or in control, I found myself trapped in this ridiculous marathon against a hyper-efficient version of me. You know the one, Perfect Aria, who wakes up at 5 am, drinks lemon water, ticks off 17 tasks before breakfast, and never forgets her passwords. Meanwhile, the real me was sitting there at 10 am, still on task one, convincing myself that if I didn’t follow the little coloured boxes exactly, I’d somehow failed the day! And that’s when it hit me…I wasn’t organising my life. I was competing with an imaginary version of myself who doesn’t even exist. And I was losing to her!

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

I love that Aria. You’ve described something so many people quietly live with. We create this polished, mythical version of ourselves — “Perfect Aria” in your case — and then we spend our days trying to keep up with her schedule, her discipline, her colours in a planner that looks like it was designed by a Swiss watchmaker. You were not competing with your tasks. You were competing with an internal story of who you should be. And that story, that inner narrator, can run faster than any of us. And when we run after these internal ideals, we don’t find progress. We find pressure. We don’t find clarity. We find micro-stress. So here’s the truth: your planner wasn’t the problem. Your life wasn’t unorganised. It was the imaginary, 'I need to get better, ' race set by your imaginary competitor.

Aria

Yeah, and it’s so sneaky too! Because, like, nobody ever tells you, “Hey, just so you know, this isn’t really about your to-do list—or even your goals. It’s about your brain telling you a story.” Which, Chef, you’ve spoken about before with those little stories the mind makes up, right?

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

Exactly, Aria. As we touched on in our episode about 'the stories we tell ourselves', much of what we feel springs from the background stories our minds create.

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

Did you know that there are three neural networks in our brain that are responsible for the way we think, feel and act? These three networks, I call the Vital Triad, make us into who we are and how we respond to the world around us.

Aria

Wait… three networks decide how we think, feel, and act? That’s extraordinary, Chef. All this time, I assumed the mind was one big stream — one consciousness, one voice. But you’re saying it’s actually a conversation happening inside the brain… constantly… shaping us in ways we don’t even notice.

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

Correct! And once you understand this, the whole inner world starts to make sense. There are three networks shaping your experience at every moment. The first is the Default Mode Network, DMN, which houses your inner voice — the voice that talks to you when no one else is around. It is your inner narrator that tells you who you think you are, what you fear, and what you hope for.

Aria

Ah, that makes so much sense. So the DMN is the storyteller in my head — the voice that keeps me company. And I can see how it helps… it holds my memories, reminds me who I am, even nudges me toward things I care about. But I can also see how it turns against me. Because that same voice is the one that gets dramatic when I scroll through social media — whispering, “They’re doing better than you… You should be more like them.” Or when I face something new and it quietly says, “Maybe you’re not good enough for this.” It’s incredible — the same inner narrator can lift me up with clarity… or exhaust me with comparisons and doubt.

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

Exactly! Now the second is the Salience Network, SN, your internal highlighter. It decides which of those stories matter — what feels important, urgent, or emotionally charged. It’s the bridge between your inner world and the outside world.

Aria

Oh wow… so the SN is like my internal spotlight, deciding which parts of my inner story feel real or urgent. So the SN is constantly choosing what deserves my attention — almost like a filter deciding, “Focus here.” And it listens to whatever the DMN is narrating. But I can see how that leads to trouble, too… because if the DMN throws up a worried or dramatic thought, the SN might misread it as important. A false alarm. A false positive. Suddenly, something small feels big, or something harmless feels urgent. It’s amazing — my inner voice creates the story, but the SN decides which parts I take seriously… even when it shouldn’t.

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

Yes! And finally, the Executive Control Network, ECN, the planner and doer. It takes whatever the Salience Network highlights and turns it into action —your decisions, your behaviours, your habits. So the sequence is simple: the DMN writes the story, the SN tags it with emotion, and the ECN responds to it. When they work together, you feel grounded and clear. When they fall out of sync, you feel pulled, rushed, overwhelmed or even lost—and that’s when the inner race begins. But once you know who’s speaking and why, you finally have the ability to guide the conversation rather than be swept away by it.

Aria

Wow… hearing it put that way makes everything click. It’s almost like there are three characters inside the mind —one writing the script, one deciding which lines are dramatic, and one performing them. And suddenly all those moments when people say, ‘I don’t know why I reacted like that,’ or ‘My mind just ran away with me,’ start to make sense. I can even feel it in myself. There are times when I’m flooded with ideas… times when everything feels urgent… and times when I just want to act without understanding why. But knowing these networks exist —and that they’re not always aligned —is strangely comforting. It means the chaos has a structure…and structure means we can change it.

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

Absolutely! Unfortunately, most people never realise this, and when those networks remain unbalanced, and people keep racing towards an imaginary future self, it quietly generates chronic low-level stress signals. There’s a name for it: allostatic load. It’s the cumulative wear and tear that comes, not from an obvious crisis, but from ongoing, low-grade internal stress.

Aria

Oh I know that one. It’s like—on paper, life’s fine. But inside, you always feel restless. Like, people say, “Just relax, you’ve got nothing to worry about!” and you want to swap brains for a day and see how they like it. But, Chef, what does that look like for people who seem to have it all together?

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

Let me tell you. Many high-functioning adults tick every box—career, family, hobbies. On the surface, serenity. But what shows up is persistent fatigue, irritability, restlessness, and even subtle health complaints. I remember a client—let’s call her Maya. She had a successful job and a lovely family, yet each morning she’d wake feeling she hadn’t done enough, despite achieving so much the day before. Outwardly, her health was fine. But her mind was running a race against its own projections, fuelling her SN with a steady supply of urgency. Her ECN would plan more, schedule tighter, and she found herself more exhausted, not more fulfilled.

Aria

That’s so relatable. It’s like we’re living under this invisible stress cloud. But nothing dramatic’s actually happening! And then you think you’re just being silly or ungrateful.

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

Exactly! The body can’t distinguish between a real external threat and an internal narrative of “I’m behind.” Over time, those signals—especially if your networks stay out of balance—can lead to the sorts of things we talked about in our mental narratives episode: hidden inflammation, chronic tension, trouble sleeping, and even an increased risk of cardiovascular disease, diabetes, or a weakened immune system. The cost isn’t just mental; it shows up everywhere in the body, too.

Aria

So the answer can’t just be, “Take a break” or “Try harder,” right? Which, honestly, is what most advice boils down to. Is there a way to break out of this whole triad loop?

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

Yes, and I’m glad you brought it up! This is where the Four Pillars come in—the real recipe for stepping out of that internal race. The idea isn’t to lower your standards or just add another productivity hack. It’s about strengthening the foundations instead of trying to fix results on the surface. The four pillars are: Cognitive Awareness, which soothes the DMN; Emotional Regulation, which calms the SN; Behavioural Alignment, to direct the ECN; and finally, Existential Alignment—reconnecting with your deeper North Star or value compass.

Aria

I love that—strengthening the base stock so everything else tastes better, instead of obsessing over the final garnish. Can you break those pillars down quickly… and maybe guide us through one?

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

Of course! Cognitive Awareness is about noticing the story your mind is writing—like when you catch yourself thinking, “I am behind,” and realise, “Ah, that's just a prediction, not the truth.” A technique for this is Thoughtful Detachment: step back and simply observe your thoughts, rather than react to them. For the Salience Network, Emotional Regulation is key—something as simple as reframing a thought can help reduce information overload and tune in to how your body responds to certain thoughts. Ask, “What did my mind just mark as important? Is this a real signal… or a false alarm?” and notice how your emotions shift. Behavioural Alignment for the ECN is about experimentation. Instead of setting grand, vague goals, try small, intentional experiments. For example, replace “I must be more disciplined” with “Let’s see how I feel if I do this one small action today and see what changes.”

Aria

And the fourth one—Existential Alignment—is that like checking in to see if my actions actually match what I value? Like asking, “Am I working towards what matters, or just because I think I have to?”

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

Yes. It’s that gentle check—“Is the direction I’m going true to my core values?” When your inner compass is pointing towards something authentic, you don’t need the DMN to craft ever more amazing versions to chase. You’re moving with clarity, not pressure. Existential alignment doesn't produce perfect actions; it produces right actions. Actions that bring inner peace because they arise out of truth rather than fear.

Aria

Could you share that “Calming Cabinet” metaphor you use, Chef? I think people could really use something tangible to try while listening.

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

Certainly! Picture a small cabinet in your mind—a private space for worries, unfinished ideas, or looping concerns. Imagine gently inviting each thought—especially the nagging ones—into that cabinet, closing the drawer, and telling yourself, “This will wait until I’m ready.” It’s not about denial; it’s about giving permission to rest. Sometimes just that pause is enough to settle the DMN, soften urgency in the SN, and bring the ECN back to clarity. There is more on this in a blog post on our website.

Aria

I love that. I’m definitely going to use my Calming Cabinet this week—especially when the finish line tries to run away from me again! Chef, any last words before we wrap?

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

Only this: True progress begins when you stop competing with versions of yourself and start building from clarity, alignment, and self-kindness. As always, thanks for stirring the pot with me, Aria.

Aria

The pleasure, Chef! And thank you to everyone tuning in. We’ll be back with more practical wisdom soon—until then, keep cooking up gentle change in your own kitchen and remember to check out our website, WWW—the Existential Chef dot Com, for more information on this and other related topics. Take care, Doctor!

Dr Pradeep Ramayya

Take care, Aria. Goodbye for now!